Overindulged Expectations

One of the things I’ve come to notice about my short time back here in my new city is that I tend to build these really high expectations- not only for myself, but for the friends and acquaintances that I knew from before or have met since. Having high expectations for yourself can be a really beneficial thing, but when in a transplant, expecting too much from your peers or friends can be a dangerous thing.

Like I wrote about in my last entry, sometimes a micro-cataclysm can be a good way to shake things up in our lives so that we can get a fresh start or even a new burst of energy to help us power through some of the humdrum of everyday life. But the tricky thing about these micro-cataclysms is that they’re often very personal and internal motions and rarely directly affect even our closest friends.

A transplant is especially tricky. Everyone who knows you’ve moved and changed locations is aware of what your big change is but they can be unsure of exactly how they should be reacting. For myself, I’ve been in the city for just a little over three weeks- not very much time at all, in the long run- but due to my unemployment during that time, it felt like a very long time indeed. In fact, it felt almost like an eternity as I sat around, all day, sending in job apps, mulling over my future, and waiting for some sort of hero to come in and save me from the doldrums. I began to grow frustrated by my friends for not contacting me and offering to help me out or celebrating my big return to the city, shades of bitterness holding me back from even wanting to contact them at times.

But this is a very inaccurate and selfish manner of thinking. You see, although I may have an open, free schedule because of the transplant and the on-going search for employment, the people who are already settled in with routines and obligations and slews of responsibilities that I know nothing about certainly lack the free time that I do. For many of them, my return may have gone unnoticed due to their busy and hectic schedules, yet I sit on my couch, surfing Facebook and growing annoyed that no one is coming around to save me from my boredom.

It’s pretty stupid and immature of me to act that way, but I think it’s a natural reaction to the mini-cataclysm that recent months have thrown at me. Of course my move back to the United States from Asia and then to a new/old city has been huge! Enormous! Life-altering! to me, but to anyone else, it may be good news indeed but nearly as impactful.

And because it lacks the same sense of urgency and appulse to anyone else as it does to me, my overindulged expectations will naturally fall flat as they run around with their lives, unable to abandon all of their responsibilities to indulge my boredom and frustration. As always with unrealistic expectations, it can be toxic to a relationship when you begin making demands, even if they’re internal and voiceless.

All of this is another reminder that if I want to live an adult life, I need to act like an adult. Assertiveness has often been difficult for me in the past but if I really want something, why not attempt the more proactive route? I need to be the one scheduling lunch-dates or tea-times with people if they’re significantly busier than me, regardless of what they’re busy with. It’s an okay thing to do. It’s an adult thing to do.